Wednesday, July 3, 2013

[CHICKENS-101] How to kill a chicken

 

 
First, get a plastic apron and a regular round metal mop pail, a larger one if there's a choice.  Then learn to sharpen the hatchet, and find a decent size stump or some other hunk of wood to strike the hatchet against.  A piece of chalk would be good too.  Put the apron on.
 
Half fill pail with water, set on burner.  Find bunch of newspapers to work on if you're going to pick feathers.  It's a messy job.  I do it in the kitchen, don't want them all over the yard.  Put tissues in your pocket.
 
Kill chicken.  Just pick it up, tie legs together with a cord, speak softly, put head on stump.  If you take chalk or string and make a big V from the chickens eyes out forward, he'll stay right there, hypnotized.  It's like magic, try it!  Anytime!  Even just for fun.  Sometimes you can just draw your fingers forward and it will work.
 
While he's holding still, hit him.  Yes, hard.  You don't want to have to do it twice.
 
Now while you're crying over it, having raised him from a cute chick, he's going to flop around and bleed all over, so hang him up someplace until he's done.  Chickens have a second nerve center in the back end that continues to function even after you cut off the head.  My husband says they're a low form of life.  Frogs do that too, the legs will jump right out of a frying pan.  Go blow nose, have something to drink.  Check email.  It will stop in a few minutes.
 
Water should not be boiling.  There's a particular degree, I forget, not even simmering, just good and hot.  Put pail down on floor so you can reach it.  Hold chicken by feet and dunk him.  Hold him under until the big wing feathers start to come loose------try not to cook the skin.
 
The chicken muscles are going to set up when you do this. Legs will stick up, he will not look like the ones in the store.  That's fine, it's just natural rigor mortis accelerated by the hot water.  No, I don't know how they make them look like that commercially. 
 
Then just sit down and start pulling feathers.  With a little luck they'll come right out.  If you keep the mess on the newspaper, you can just roll it all up when you're done. 
 
It's also possible to just skin a chicken instead of picking off the feathers.  I never did that, but I guess they do it a lot with wild geese.  Just slit the skin and take off the breast meat, basically. 
 
Now picking this first chicken is going to take you a while, and some exasperation.  We've all done it.  The next one will go a lot faster.  There are even contests, some people can do it in 20 seconds.  I'm not one of them.  Supposedly if you stick them with a knife to kill them, you can just pull the feathers out without the hot water.  My husband is good at killing them, but I never did get that to work.
 
OK, naked chicken, more or less.  You'll have to clean off the pinfeathers too.  Use a knife and just grab and pull each one.  If there's fuzz, rotate it over a burner or fire of some kind, even a candle, to just lightly burn it off.  Only takes a couple seconds.  Doesn't have to be a perfect job, just get most of them off until you get tired of doing it. 
 
Now, standup job, cutting board, more newspapers.  Cut off the feet---it's easier on your mind.  Looks more like a chicken to cook.  Some people use the feet for soup, well scrubbed and the skin peeled off.
 
You have to cut around his anus without puncturing the bowels.  Need a really sharp knife to do this.  Then tie or clip it shut.  Now you can cut a bigger slit, reach in and all the insides will come out pretty much in one package!  Probably wrapped in a membrane.  Feel inside to see if you got it all. 
 
Some of it won't come free.  You'll probably have to cut off the neck bone that's left, if any, then cut and reach in, and cut free the tough digestive tract that's fastened in there. Now you can pull the rest of it out the other end.  May have to do that first.
 
There you are, empty chicken!
Give him a nice bath in soap and water, wash under his arms, talk to him.  Much easier to handle than a 24 lb. half thawed out turkey at 5 a.m.!
 
If you soak it in salt water or marinade for a couple of days, it will be much more tender.  Probably fit in your fridge easier if you cut him in pieces.
 
Now clean up everything, and use a little Clorox.  Wrap the mess in newspapers to throw out, or you can feed the insides back to the rest of the chickens or the dogs.  You can also save the liver, heart and gizzard and cook them for yourself.  I cook them in a pan, chop and add to the stuffing.  Or simmer them in barbeque sauce. 
 
By this time you probably need a shower and a medal, and swear you'll never do it again.  You did great!! Remember, grocery stores are a new invention.  All the women in your family did it every time they cooked one.  Next time, might consider doing 2 at a time.  Wouldn't take much longer. 
 
First one takes forever, but you get a whole lot faster with practice.  If you have somebody to help, or at least keep you company, it helps.  You'll both get to laughing, I can almost guarantee.  At least I do.  You can say anything you want to the chicken, he's not going to argue much.
 
And you get bragging rights.  How many people do you actually know who have ever really killed, picked and cleaned a chicken??
 
You can do it! 
 
Laughing,
Diane S. -----with too many roosters also
 

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